I WANT THIS. NOW WHILE I CAN STILL HAVE A SIGNED ONE.

The first xkcd book is out and it's called Volume 0. And if you get me one RIGHT FREAKING NOW, it'll be a signed copy. You know I have a special shelf(s) in my bookcases for signed copies, right??

I fought the law and... it was a tie.

So, some time back in July (the 3rd, actually), I was on some street (Tapo Canyon) and I got to a light, and I made a U-turn. And then I got pulled over and got a citation for making said U-turn at said light, at which U-turns are apparently illegal.

Ok, listen, policedude, I cried. You're supposed to let me off with a verbal warning when I cry, DON'T YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS??

Ok, anyway. So I got the damn citation, and then I got the details in the mail about what to do: either appear in court a few weeks later or pay the fine, a measly $260 (!!!!) and either go to traffic school or get a point on my license.

TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY DOLLARS FOR MAKING A U-TURN? IT DIDN'T COME WITH CHAMPAGNE AND A MASSAGE, DAMMIT, IT WAS A U-TURN.

Anyway, I go to court and I plead Not Guilty (even though I was) and get scheduled for a trial, a month later (today). Of course, now that camp is over it is no longer even a little bit convenient to go to court in Simi Freakin Valley, but whatever. So during the past few weeks I start trying to figure out what to do because I'm asking around and it seems like California doesn't work like New York where even if the police officer shows, you still get your fine or violation reduced, just for showing up. Here, no one gets off, apparently, unless the cop doesn't come, and the cop always comes. And California neeeeeeeeeeds cash, nu?

[I'd like to digress here and tell a story I just heard from a cow-orker who went to traffic court last week (and had to pay $745 for HIS citation (speeding) which fine made MY fine seem like chump change), but this post is already getting too long, isn't it? Maybe tomorrow.]

So apparently showing up doesn't get you anywhere if HE also shows up, and anyway I can't possibly claim to be not guilty because for sure I made that U-turn and it was broad daylight, ya-dah ya-dah. My vague plan was to say something to the effect of "I've learned my lesson, I am hyper-vigilant about traffic signs now, please don't make me pay all that money," but I was starting to feel dumber and dumber about that the more I heard about how it works in CA. AND then it became clear that today was also going to be an absolutely terrible horrible no good very bad day on account of my taking to the airport someone whom I'll likely never see again and if I could see through the tears, I'd keep typing, but gimme a minute, ok?

Ok so last week I decided the angst about the trial and the timing of the airport and going out to Simi and missing my Hebrew class and everything else was just not worth the $260 and I tried to pay the fine online but the website was totally broken and even though it found my case and I entered my credit card number and everything, it just said ERROR at the end and I had to assume it hadn't worked. Arrrgh. So I'm going to court.

So I go straight from LAX to court. The judge starts by taking attendance. The defendant says "here" if he or she is (many were not, oddly) and then the officer says "here" if he or she is. Everyone in the room holds their breath when their officer's name is called, hoping for a no-show and therefore automatic dismissal of the case. I'm told this very rarely happens, but for some reason today it happened quite a bit... lots of sighs of relief as the judge went down the list, and of course plenty of grumblings when the officers that were in fact present responded as such. So then the judge calls my name and I say "Here" and the judge calls my officer's name and he says "Here" and then he says he has a motion.

Oh?

We both get called up to the front of the room to stand at the microphones (DEFENDANT?? SCARY.) and here's where it gets really good:

The cop says that the clerk's office has lost my citation, he has no written notes from the incident and insufficient memory of the incident to proceed, so he was moving to dismiss.
THE COP WAS THERE AND **HE** MOVED TO DISMISS! It was awesome. I was out of there in 15 minutes with NO fine, NO points on my license, and NO traffic school. Awe.Some.

If today hadn't been the worst day ever, it would've been the best day ever.





And now for one of my favorite jokes, except maybe it won't come across so well in writing instead of in hearing, but we'll do what we can:

So I got pulled ovah the otha day by this cop, says I done something wrong. I said I didn't do nothing wrong, I did what God said to do! What God said to do, he asks me, what are you talking about? Well, see officer, it's like this: I'm driving down the street and I'm a little bit lost and I'm not sure what to do, so I prays to God and I asks, What do I do here, do I go straight? And God puts there a sign for me, it says, No, u turn!!

Good thing they never gave me a chance to speak in court, huh?

From the essay "Dehumanized" by Mark Slouka

Despite the determinisms of the day, despite the code-breakers, the wetware specialists, the patient unwinders of the barbed wire of our being, this I feel is true: That we are more nurture than nature; that what we are taught, generally speaking, is what we become; that torturers are made slowly, not minted in the womb. As are those who resist them. I believe that what rules us is less the material world of goods and services than the immaterial one of whims, assumptions, delusions, and lies; that only by studying this world can we hope to shape how it shapes us; that only by attempting to understand what used to be called, in a less embarrassed age, “the human condition” can we hope to make our condition more human, not less.

Harper's Magazine, September 2009. Page 32

Recommend me this:

I just bought a new computer, and I mostly have all the programs I need up and running on the new machine. The exceptions are as follows, and I want your advice. What do you use for:

Ripping DVDs? I used to use Handbrake - should I get that again, or something else?
HTML editing? I used to use CuteHTML - should I get that again, or something else?
Sound editing? I used to use CoolEdit - should I get that again, or something else?
Playing random format videos that Quicktime can't open? I used to use VLC - should I... you get the idea.

And what should I use for making DVDs, actually? What do you recommend?

Thaaaaaaanks.

(YES MORE SKYDIVING PICTURES ARE COMING. I SWEAR.)

A picture is worth a thousand words?

Or at least, is indicative of a full minute-plus of non-stop screaming:
(click to embiggen)

So, this is me, outside of a plane at 12,000 feet, with my instructor Adi strapped to my back (Look Ma, no hands), screaming my brains out in free fall. This lasted for about a minute, and when we've reached, you know, 120mph DOWN, he pulled the cord and opened our parachute and that slow delicious descent lasted another 10 minutes or so.

I just might call these the best 11 minutes of my life so far. It was INCREDIBLE.

All day yesterday in my head I was likening skydiving to losing your virginity: you're back in the regular world and everyone is treating you the same and talking to you about mundane stuff, but you feel like they should be able to TELL, to SEE IT, that you're DIFFERENT, because of what you did yesterday, but they can't - you don't look different, you've just had this experience and you will never ever forget it.

I did this on my 24-hour break from camp, which is to say that I jumped out of a plane at approximately 3pm and by 8pm the same day I was back at work, running a dance session for 400 people and announcing when it was time for the little ones to meet their counselors and go to bed. Bizarre. 10 days left!

http://www.skydiveperris.com/ <---Highly recommended!

OMFG, revisited.

Ok, so, it appears that

I AM GOING SKYDIVING ON WEDNESDAY.

omgomgomgomg.

Here's the big question: do I spring for the video and pictures? It's expensive, and I have to decide soon, not at the last minute. Arrrgh. The jump is very expensive to start with. And does anyone ever watch those videos? BUT it also comes with eleventyhundred stills also...

omg omg omg omg.

Have you ever been?

Overwhelm; Or, RDB bitches and moans about the blessings in her life.

I want to put in "wood" flooring (that Pergo stuff or whatever) in my dining room/living room area.

I want to paint that area, as well as a wall or two in each of the two bedrooms.

I want to buy a hammock to put on my porch.

I want to buy a bedroom set (but one that matches my wardrobe units that I love).

I want to buy a couch (but it has to work with the as-yet-non-existent wood floor and the as-yet-non-existent color of the walls).

I want to buy a TV bench.
And a TV.
(And a Wii and Rock Band, let's be honest, but I can probably handle that part alone.)

I want to buy a dining room table.

What order to do these things in, and how and where and when to do them all, and how much money to spend on them, and what color/fabric/shape/size/texture/model/style to do it all in... these things are beyond me.

I am so overwhelmed. And it turns out, I'm not really a project girl. I have some friends who are uneasy without a big project in progress; as soon as they finish one big thing they are on to another. They'd love this. Me, I want it done instantly. The second I figure out what I want to do I wish it were already done. I want to enjoy the finished project, not the process, at least not in this case. I have other things to *do*.

I do have the money to do these things on a simple scale. I mean, I can do them, but some of the furniture is coming from Ikea and some of it from Urban Home, none of it from Moda Italia or H. D. Buttercup. And that's fine; when I really wish I had oodles of money is when I think about the getting-all-of-this-done part. I am going to be out of my house for the next two months - go now! do it! I want the money to pay someone to take care of all of it while I am away so I can come home and see it finished. I do not want to oversee it myself, I want someone else in charge.

That's the key, isn't it? I want someone else in charge.

PS This post is from slightly over two weeks ago but it was somehow sitting in drafts and didn't get published, I don't know why. I'm at camp; definitely not thinking about all the things that aren't getting done at my condo right now... but I have visited this one dining room table twice now... without ordering it... arrrgh.

Per. Fect.

I have thought Lore Sjöberg was brilliant from way back in the day, so why should I be at all surprised to find this in my Google Reader?



Love it.

Indeed, I M.

For unrelated and somewhat random reasons, I looked at the "Get Info" tab of my own AIM profile today. It says:

Status: Available
Online Since: 6/15/2009 1:13:18 PM
Member Since: 6/25/1999 11:36:28 AM
Capabilities: Buddy Icon, AIM Direct IM, Chat, Send File, ICQ UTF8

Which is to say, I've been IMing (at this name, which is equal to the whole time) for almost exactly ten years. Fascinating.

Ok, not really fascinating, since my 10-year college reunion was last weekend, and the 10-year birthday of my nose piercing is coming up (July 4!). It's not like I haven't already realized the momentousness of this season of my life, ten years ago, when I graduated, and moved into an amazing house in Cambridge with friends and boyfriend, and began my first full-time job. It was just one more funny little reminder. Happy Anniversary, momentousness.

More about the condo, of course: a positive, a negative, and a neutral.

0. My apartment had a laundry room, downstairs, that consisted of two washers and two dryers. A total wash cost $2.00 in quarters. My condo has a laundry room, on the same floor as my unit, with SIX of each washers and dryers. It is bigger, brighter, and much cleaner… and a total wash costs $1.50. Sure, it would be nice to have the washer and dryer be free and in my own unit, and perhaps I will at some point, but this is already daaaamn nice. Yeah fifty cents cheaper! What a win.

1. Once, just once, I have driven all the way to the old apartment (cue BNL – honestly, I love that song) and halfway into the driveway before realizing I didn’t live there anymore.

2. Annoyance: my new place came with a very nice refrigerator, one that was much newer than the one I had in my apartment and which I bought on craigslist over four years ago (and which the Salvation Army kindly carted away for me last week). In the old freezer, I used the top shelf to keep a couple of trays of ice and a bowl for ice cubes, since I could never handle that whole take-a-few-cubes-out-of-the-tray-but-manage-to-keep-the-rest-of-the-ice-from-falling-out-all-over-the-place skill. The new one has a built-in ice maker/water dispenser thingy, so there is no top shelf; that space is taken up by the ice maker… which doesn’t appear to work. The water in the door works, so clearly some part of it is correctly connected to the plumbing and turned on, but the ice doesn’t work, and I don’t know why. I don’t even really know how to know if it’s the ice maker that’s broken or the hookup or a switch that’s not on or what, but I know eventually I’ll get someone who understands these things to tell me the answer and hopefully even to fix it. In the meantime, where you normally trade the space for automatic ice, I have no space AND no automatic ice. And that is very annoying, since I use my ice, like, every day. Oh, the extreme horrors of my insanely difficult life :)